
If you met Evan Chalek today, you would see an feebly lanky young man with a fresh strapping crewcut and a grism. Why the down face? Evan is the victim of theft, and not just any theft- someone stole his his hair. After a calm night with Michelob ultra light and an Everyone Loves Raymond marathon on TBS, Evan slipped into slumber on the couch of his Brookside Road residence. 9 hours lalter, he awoke, went into the bathroom, did his business, and soon realized his long and lustrous dreadlocks had been cut off. Each and every one of them. Upon searching his home, Evan realized nothing of value had been taken besides his dreadlocks and 2 Yankee hats.
“I just don’t get it”, Evan said while holding back tears. “What would they want with my hair? Who would do this to someone?”
Stories like Evan’s may seem strange but are not rare. In December of 2006, 3 eerily similar incidences were reported in Woodstock. A week prior to Evan’s meeting with misfortune, West Hurley landscape artist Sarah Juniper was victimized in a similar fashion. In addition to dreadlocks, the thief made off with $58 worth of discontinued merchandise from Bath and Body Works. “That’s what pains me the most”, Sarah confessed. “My dreadlocks can grow back, but they don’t make Cool Citrus Basil products anymore. You can’t even find them on Ebay. I will track that f%cker down with my nose.”
Police reports have been filed for all incidents.
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