Luxembourg- Authorities have announced a complete ban of polka dots. A court case in Square City has ruled that the roundness of typical polka dots results in unrest and hostility amongst it’s citizens. The ban, to go into effect on the 8th of your favorite month, is expected to solve the municipality’s long-standing sewage problems. Recently, a similar ban was instituted in Jamaica, with aim to promote a more hetero-friendly fashion couture.
District of Columbia– The International Bartendering Coalition has chosen the recipient of it’s prestigious 2008 teaching fellowship. Mixmaster Jenna Tic-Tac-Correo of San Diego was chosen from 2 million applicants, based on her expert bottle flair, savvy wit, and all-around awesomeness. A former resident of New Paltz, NY,. Ms.Tic-Tac Correo will be traveling worldwide, educating both professional and amateur mixologists in her field. Accompanying her will be translator Nicole D. Heck of the Boston Lingustics Ltd.
Rhode Island– Pending on the state congress floor is Bill 678, affectionately known to some as the “Florida Anti-Produce Act”, proposes a gradual phase-out of Florida orange imports. There are a few driving forces behind this controversial piece of bipartisan legislation. “Geneticially modified foodstuffs have crept their way into every aspect of our diet. Florida has the highest percentage of GMO’ed produce, particularly in regards to their orange crops. We have other options for our food outsourcing, and it is our liberty to pursue them”, comments Luke Westhampton. He is the executive director of Safety in the Kitchen (S.I.N.K.) one of the many non-governmental organizations backing the bill. Assemblywoman Margaret Freckleando believes the bill goes beyond health concerns of his constituents. “Rhode Island upholds the tenants that are vital to sustaining democracy. The state of Florida continually undermines democracy through its highly corrupt electoral process. It habitually disenfranchises the African American population. To support Florida’s economy means supporting an infrustructure based on racism and classism.” The vote is scheduled to be held in 2 weeks.
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