HELICOPTER FOUND

On Tuesday, while snozzberry-picking near the 6th Hidden Lake, Lupe O’Mullen discovered a helicopter. Abandoned in a meadow, “the helicopter appears to be the property of a private citizen, and not of a domestic or foreign military or government,” authorities reported. The report continued to surmise that the helicopter had been resting in that location for a while, judging by the years of overgrown weeds and bramble.

County statute requires 2 weeks for lost items worth $100 or more to be claimed. Details as to what the helicopter looks like, and what was found inside are being kept confidential as to prevent fraudulent lost and found claims. If the claimage process is not completed, ownership will be given to Ms.O’Mullen, and a new title of ownership will be drawn up. Ms.O’Mullen could not be directly reached for comment due to her demanding part-time careers as restaurant critic and Mayor of Crazytown, but those closest to her have confirmed that she lights a candle each night, prays to the Ladies of Luck, and has many plans waiting if the helicopter goes unclaimed.