A grand time was had by all at the Annual Fall Pumpkin Ball, but only one went home with the Golden Ticket to Heaven. Chris Macchia was 8th on line in the much-anticpated Bobbing for Bottles of Baby-Booze Competition, in which first place was a bottle containing a Golden Ticket to Heaven, no questions asked. The conditions of the prize proved to be essential in the end, judging by the winner’s colorful past. Chris Macchia, born Christobal Julio Garcia Makkia, has not lead the most pious path, to say the least. Before his arrival to the CRAZYTOWN region, Macchia lived above the law and below the radar. He left home at 14, in a John Steinbeckesque quest for the meaning of and answer to the common man’s plight. His next few years were spent riding the trains, subsisting on sardine sandwiches and Old Friend Whiskey. Eventually, he was involved in the underground energy supplement trade, smuggling thousands of stolen Canadian caffeine pills across the border monthly. With the money earned, at age 22 Macchia purchased his first of many illicit bordellos in a no-name town in Montana. Years later, he tired from the stresses of proprietorship, liquidated all of his assets, and moved to a ranch on the outskirts of CRAZYTOWN. He now enjoys a life on the straight and narrow, and hosts seasonal camps at his ranch for at-risk, inner-city youth. Some would say that his new leaf alone is enough to get him into Heaven, but just in case, he now holds the Golden Ticket.
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