PARADISE TO BE PAVED

Due it’s increasing popularity as a main tourist attraction, Paradise has been suffering from debilitating traffic and parking issues. Each week, thousands flock to the tropical beach town, pleasantly located where the Rio Amigo spills out into the ocean. Since sun-powered cars made their highly anticipated debut last year, gas has become an antiquated and unnecessary element, deeply increasing automobile traffic levels.

“This problem is not going to be solved over night. Construction of a 2-lane highway is currently being planned, but for immediate remediation of the prevalent parking shortages, we will be constructing municipal lots and garages”, Town Supervisor commented.

Yes, Paradise shall be paved. Specifically, a field located behind Paradise Village Plaza on Main Street, which has 5 businesses currently operating within it’s commercial walls. All flora and fauna shall be cut down or relocated, including 8 palm trees, 2 agave cacti, 1 mimosa tree, some birds, and 4 wild cats. Reactions to the paving of Paradise are mixed. Butler Bayclam, proprietor of the Tender&Juicy Gentlemen’s Club, is estatic about the plans. “So many of my customers complain about having to drive around for an hour just to find a parking space on the weekend. Many times, those without the time opt for the bordellos on the northside, losing me and my girls money. Now they can get the bump and grind they came for, hassle-free”. Erin Leo-Coolclothes, of the Plaza’s Make-Your-Own-Crayon Store, sees it differently. “I understand the issue, but putting up another parking lot does not solve the problem. It puts a temporary fix on something that’s more complex. It needs to be addressed in a more wholistic manner with not only the immediate future, but the big picture in mind”.

The construction is scheduled for the end of this month and should be completed in 3 days. The birds who make their home in the field will have to find other trees to nest in, and the wild cats will be available for adoption. Those interested can contact animal experts Jess LightEyes or Minnick Charming, extension 2 at the Crazytown Scorpio Animal Palace.